Offseason Update: Wolves Players Try “Speed Dating” to Find New Coach

Like a number of SHL teams, the Michigan Gray Wolves are in the market for a new coach, after Ron Wright resigned at midseason and the team elected not to retain interim head man Roger Stackledge. Unlike other teams, the Wolves’ players decided that they needed to have their voices heard in the selection process. To make that happened, they arranged a “speed dating” event in which they interviewed a self-selected motley crew of candidates.

“We all know how this usually works,” said D Fritz Kronstein. “The GM and the owner wine and dine a few guys, pick the one they like, and that’s it. Why should they get to have all the fun? We’re the ones who have to play for whoever they hire.”

The players held their “interview” at a bar near the Wolves’ arena in Grand Rapids. They spoke to a half-dozen candidates, including veteran hands (ex-Washington boss Rodney Reagle and former New York coach Nick Foster), up-and-coming youngsters (minor-league coach Jeffrey Marsh and Boston assistant Robbie Lear), old friends (former Michigan assistant Morris Thompson, currently the coach of the Saskatchewan Shockers), and ex-teammates (LW Vladimir Beruschko, who retired at the end of last season). Notably, with the possible exception of Thompson, none of the coaches the Wolves spoke to have a reputation as a disciplinarian; after four and a half seasons under the infamously intense Wright, the players are clearly ready for a change.

In similar fashion to a traditional speed-dating setup, the candidates spoke to pairs of players for 10 minutes at a time. At the end of each session, Kronstein sounded an air horn, and the candidates rotated to another table. The questions varied from the serious (“What are your practices like?”) to the somewhat less serious (“Would you be okay with having a beer cooler on the bench during games?”) to the… well, whimsical (“If you were a My Little Pony, which pony would you be?”) C Phoenix Cage, who asked the last question, said he “wanted to see if anyone was man enough to admit that he’s a true brony. I respect that.”

The candidates, though bemused by some of the questions, generally had good things to say about the experience. “It’s definitely the most fun I’ve ever had on a job interview,” said Reagle. “The questions definitely kept me on my toes!” On the My Little Pony question, Reagle chose Pinkie Pie, because “she’s my daughter’s favorite, and I’ve learned not to question her judgment.”

Marsh admitted that “I wished I’d had a chance to pre-game before the interviews,” but he still enjoyed himself. “Definitely not the same old same old!” He said that he’d chosen Rainbow Dash for the My Little Pony question, because “she’s ride or die, just like me. Plus, I’d be a pegasus, which means I could fly!”

After comparing notes over drinks, the players decided that they preferred Beruschko. “Even though he totally dodged the My Little Pony question, Vlad definitely came across as the kind of coach we’d want to play for,” said Cage. “Specifically, we know he can hold his liquor and he’d throw the best parties.”

Wolves GM Tim Carrier, when informed of the “interviews,” quickly pointed out that they were not sanctioned in any way by the team and would not be taken into consideration in the team’s coaching search. “Some of those guys aren’t even on our list,” Carrier said. “We certainly hope that none of the people who participated were under the impression that this was a real interview. Getting drunk in a bar and asking questions about ponies is, to put it mildly, not part of our standard process. Most importantly, we will not be reimbursing any travel costs or paying any bar tabs associated with this adventure.”

Kronstein was unfazed by Carrier’s dismissal. “I’m sure he had to say that,” Kronstein said, “because they still need to do their normal, boring interviews. I get it. But the players have spoken.”

Offseason Update: Smoke Players Sing the Blues, Literally

Kansas City is a town that’s famous for barbecue and music. The Kansas City Smoke have embraced the city’s barbecue heritage in a number of ways, from their name to their mascot Pitmaster Pete to holding a match between two youth hockey teams representing some of the city’s most venerable barbecue joints. But they’ve done relatively little to celebrate KC’s blues and jazz scene – until this offseason, that is, when several Smoke players got together to release a blues album.

The idea for this album took root early in the season, when four Smoke players – LW Zachary Merula, G Rocky Goldmire, and Ds Leonard Wright and T.K. O’Neill – went to see a show by blues guitarist and KC native Samantha Fish at a nightclub in New York. The players enjoyed the show thoroughly, and they downloaded several of her songs and blasted them in the locker room and during road trips.

As time went on, the players’ interest in blues music deepened, as they started listening to songs by blues legends like B.B. King and Bessie Smith and modern artists like Joe Bonamassa and Kenny Wayne Shepherd. Their teammates wound up dubbing the quartet the “Blues Brothers.”

Shortly after the All-Star Game, Goldmire floated the idea of the quartet actually performing blues music, instead of just listening to it. “I’d played guitar in a band for a little while in college,” the goalie explained, “and I always love to jam. So I thought, we all love the blues, so why don’t we try to jam a little on our own?”

They began gathering in Goldmire’s garage to jam, with the goalie on guitar, Merula on keyboard, Wright on harmonica, and O’Neill on tambourine. (“I never played an instrument before in my life,” said O’Neill. “But Rocky was offering us free beers, so I figured I’d come hang out.”) It began as a lark, a chance for the friends to hang out and share their love of the blues, but something strange happened: “We started sounding kind of okay,” Goldmire explained. “And eventually we started thinking: Why not take this outside the garage?”

With the assistance of Smoke president Eddie Whitmore, a fellow blues fan with connections in the music industry, the quartet reserved some studio time and the assistance of a couple professional session musicians on guitar and saxophone. They recorded a number of classic blues covers, as well as a new song, written by Goldmire and Wright, called “Penalty Box Blues.”

The recordings were turned into an album, dubbed “Smokin’ Hot Blues.” The team plans to make copies available for sale at the arena team store next season, and it is available for download online. The teammates also got to play a well-received set at Kansas City Live, the downtown entertainment venue.

But if fans fear that the quartet plans to give up hockey and take up music full-time, they don’t need to worry.

“No one’s going to confuse us for real musicians, not even close,” said Merula. “But we’re loud and we have a good time, and the people seem to respond to that.”

Offseason Update: Bliss Bond At Chocolate-Making Class

It’s no surprise that the Hershey Bliss have always been fascinated with chocolate. They play in America’s chocolate-making capital, in an arena called the Chocolate Center. Their coach is famously obsessed with the stuff and frequently works chocolate-related metaphors into his interview. Their top line has even had their likenesses rendered in chocolate.

So when the Bliss decided to participate in a chocolate-making workshop as a team bonding experience, it was very much on-brand. But the team found it a surprisingly meaningful experience, and they believe it taught them valuable lessons that will help them next season.

The idea of attending the workshop came from coach Chip Barber. After the team lost in the first round of the playoffs for the second straight year, Barber wanted his players to have a positive experience that they could remember fondly during the offseason. “Things kind of ended on a sour note for us,” said the coach. “And I figured, the best way to get the sour taste out of our mouths was with something sweet. And then it hit me: let’s make chocolate!”

Barber contacted the Hershey Story Museum, which invited the team to a special combination of their usual chocolate-making class and the truffle-making workshop they typically offer around Valentine’s Day. The evening began with a tasting of a variety of single-source warm drinking chocolates from around the world. The players were encouraged to make notes about the tastes they encountered and to discuss them with each other. “That part was a lot of fun,” said C Justin Valentine. “I was expecting them all to taste like, you know, regular hot chocolate. But they didn’t; they were complex and really interesting. Some of them weren’t sweet at all; they were fruity or spicy or bitter. Sometimes all of them at once. Definitely a cool thing to try!”

After they finished the tasting, the players were escorted into the Chocolate Lab. D Reese Milton was slightly disappointed; “I was expected all my Willy Wonka dreams come true,” he said, “but it was more like a science classroom full of chocolate. No Oompa Loompas, thank God; I always thought they were creepy.”

Inside the lab, the players learned about how chocolate goes from the bean to the finished product. They then got to try making their own candy bar creations using both white and milk chocolate, along with some additional items for decoration. LW Lance Sweet tried to make a bar that resembles Hershey’s jerseys. “It didn’t totally come out,” he said, “but I had fun trying it.”

After that, the players learned about truffle making and tried their hand at it. Some were surprised to learn that the chocolate treats don’t actually contain truffles, but were so named for their resemblance to the prized fungi. “I always thought it was weird that they had pigs digging chocolates out of the ground,” said Milton. “This makes much more sense.”

The players then learned how to hand-roll truffles, using both dark chocolate and ruby chocolate ganache. The latter, a naturally pink chocolate that has the flavor of berries, was a novelty for most players. “I’d never seen this crazy pink chocolate before,” said LW Russ Nahorniak. “At first I thought it was a prank or something. But it tasted pretty good, and different than any other chocolate I’d had before. Kind of like raspberries. The hand-rolling process was slow and messy, but fun.

After they finally finished rolling the ganache, they dipped their truffles in white or milk chocolate and finished them with a variety of toppings, from cocoa powder to crushed nuts to coconut.

The players raved about the experience afterward. “I definitely feel like I understand chocolate on a whole new level now,” said Milton.

They also said that they’d learned valuable experiences that would benefit them on the ice.

“I learned that in order to temper chocolate, you have to be patient and keep it within a close band of temperature in order for it to work right,” said C Spencer Kirkpatrick. “The same thing is true in hockey: to be successful, you have to be patient during the season, and not get too high or too low.”

Valentine, meanwhile, volunteered that “they taught us that truffles don’t have to be perfect circles to be right. In fact, they look better if they’re a little off. I’m going to remember that next season; instead of always looking for the perfect pass or the perfect shot, I’ll go ahead even if it’s a little off. It’ll probably still work out.”

Offseason Update: Hamilton Shares Vandy With Fans

The Hamilton Pistols won their second straight Vandy this season. And the team had a very clear idea how they wanted to celebrate: “We want to share this trophy with our fans,” said RW Claude Lafayette. “And we want to drink as much as we can while doing it.”

So far, the Pistols are living up to Lafayette’s goals. There’s hardly a bar, nightclub, public park, or civic event this summer that the Pistols haven’t brought the Vandy to. They’ve drank, danced, sung, and partied their way around the Greater Toronto Area, and the players and fans are thoroughly enjoying themselves so far.

“It’s been one crazy never-ending party so far,” said C Calvin Frye. “I was worried about some of our guys at first. But we’re staying hydrated and pacing ourselves just enough so that we can keep it going. So far, so good!”

The Pistols said their victory party was inspired the NHL’s Washington Capitals, who became famous for their highly public and booze-fueled celebration of their first-ever Stanley Cup in 2018. “They really redefined the standard for the party game,” said Lafayette of the Caps. “They were definitely an inspiration to us. Last year, when we won, we were too tired to really let it loose. But this time, we knew we wanted to take it to the next level.”

The party began with the championship parade, which drew tens of thousands to downtown Hamilton to cheer on their heroes. The Pistols stood atop double-decker buses, waving and throwing tchotchkes to the fans. The parade route ended at Gunpowder Armory, where the fans packed in to listen to the players make giddy speeches and lead cheers.

“Winning our first Vandy was an incredible experience,” said LW Steven Alexander, “but it was damn hard work, and we were pretty tired afterward. But you guys, with your cheers and your total support, you gave us the energy to go out and win it again. This title is for you!”

Alexander also took a shot at the Pistols’ rival, the New York Night, and longtime antagonist and now-former coach Nick Foster. “You guys might remember that clown down south of the border, the one who kept talking crap about me, about us,” Alexander shouted, as boos rained down from the fans. “He kept saying his team was better than ours, their arena was better than ours, their fans were better than ours. Well, guess what? We just went back-to-back, and he just got fired. Scoreboard, Nick!”

The parade was hardly the end of the celebration, however. Reports began popping up on social media of various Pistols showing up at local restaurants, bars, and nightclubs, often with the Vandy in tow. One night, Alexander, Frye, Lafayette, and the trophy showed up unannounced at a bar called Skipper Harry’s on the waterfront. Alexander jumped up on top of the bar and shouted that he was buying a round for everyone in the house. He then had the bartender fill the bowl in the center of the trophy with beer, which he chugged. After leading the bar in a round of “We Are the Champions,” Frye and Lafayette carried the Vandy around the beer, giving patrons a chance to snap selfies and, in some cases, replicate Alexander’s beer chug.

A couple days later, Ds Hercules Mulligan and Clayton Risch were spotted carrying the Vandy down Locke Street, pausing frequently for selfies and high-fives with fans. Mulligan also carried a duffel bag filled with Pistols hats and T-shirts, and he tossed one to every person he spotted wearing Toronto Maple Leafs gear, shouting, “How’d you like to cheer for a winner for a change?” (The Maple Leafs have not won a championship since 1967.)

On another occasion, several players were taking a mini-bus to a nightclub when Alexander spied someone on the street wearing a shirt created by a Pistols fan blog. The shirt featured the Pistols’ gunsight log, with a silhouette of the Vandy replacing the customary “H”. Beneath the logo, the shirt read “We’ve Got Another Title In Our Sights.” Alexander told the driver to stop the bus, then rushed out and greeted the surprised fan. “That shirt is awesome! Want to trade with me?” The fan agreed, whereupon Alexander whipped off his shirt, autographed it, and handed it to the fan. He then posted for a picture before hopping back on the bus.

The sightings continued on a daily basis over the next two or three weeks, as the Pistols kept appearing, flashing their hardware, drinking and dancing and singing with anyone who wanted to join in.

“They basically took the celebration and turned it into a rolling, never-ending street party,” said coach Keith Shields. “They know how essential the fans are to our success, and they want to share that joy together. I think it shows how special the bond is between our team and the city. We’re all going to have memories to last a lifetime.”