Wolves Revise Classic Fairy Tales in Giveaway Kids Book

The Michigan Gray Wolves have not generally been known for their creative promotions.  When they bother to hold a giveaway, it’s typically a scarf, a knit hat, a T-shirt, or maybe a rally towel… nothing out of the ordinary.  This week, however, the Wolves held a children’s promotion that was truly unique — and reportedly developed by their mascot.

On Sunday, the first 5,000 children through the gates received a storybook that contained a retelling of a couple of classic fairy tales.  The cover stated that the book was written by the team’s mascot, Wally Wolf.  According to Michigan’s marketing department, Wally was inspired to write it in order to combat “rampant anti-wolf propaganda” found in many children’s stories.

Wally Wolf

“Honestly, Wally has a point,” said Wolves D Fritz Kronstein.  “Think about all the fairy tales that include the Big Bad Wolf.  What makes him so bad all the time?  I definitely think it’s time to hear the other side of the story.”

In Wally’s take on the classic stories, the “Big Good Wolf” was cast as the hero.  In the villain’s role were other animals — ones that bore a striking resemblance to the mascots of Michigan’s rival teams.

The first story in the book was a rewrite of “The Three Little Pigs.”  In this version, the pigs built hockey rinks out of straw, sticks, and bricks.  This time, they were visited by the “Big Bad Bear,” a giant earmuff-wearing polar bear that looks strikingly like Petey, the Anchorage Igloos‘ mascot.  After the Big Bad Bear blows away the straw- and stick-built rinks, the Big Good Wolf arrives and chases off the villainous bear with a hockey stick, then teaches the pigs the finer points of the slapshot.

The second story is a fresh take on “Little Red Riding Hood.”  Retitled “Little Blue Riding Hood” (because the heroine is dressed in Wolves’ colors), the story tells the tale of a young girl bringing Wolves tickets to her ailing grandmother.  But before our heroine can get there, Grandma is kidnapped by the “Dirty Dog,” a brown dog in a sailor costume who resembles Salty Sam, the Portland Bluebacks‘ mascot.  When Little Blue Riding Hood showed up at Grandma’s house, she noticed that something was amiss.  “What long ears you have, Grandma!” she says.  “What big jowls you have!”  Just before the Dirty Dog can spring up and snatch our heroine, the Big Good Wolf shows up, chases the villainous dog away, puts Grandma and Little Blue Riding Hood on the back of his motorcycle, and races them over to the Wolves game just in time.

“Finally, it’s a fairy tale where wolves get a fair shake,” said Wolves GM Tim Carrier.  “I’m glad that Wally decided to share his stories with our young fans.”

Wally’s book was a hit with the fans, but not everyone was so delighted.  The Igloos, for instance, weren’t pleased when they heard about  the portrayal of the Big Bad Bear.  “I thought that Petey and Wally had buried the hatchet years ago,” said Igloos C Jake Frost.  “But if the wolf wants to get things started again, I’m sure that Petey is willing to go back to war.  And we’ll all have his back.”

The Bluebacks were likewise unamused about the “Dirty Dog” portrayal, and expressed their displeasure.  “This is gross character assassination toward Salty Sam,” said RW Vince Mango.  “We all know that Sam is 100% pro-grandma, and he would never kidnap anyone or try to traumatize little girls.  And most importantly, he would certainly never try to steal Wolves tickets.”

Informed of the Igloos’ and Bluebacks’ objections, Carrier was unapologetic.  “Wally calls them like he sees them,” the GM said.  “Like most authors, Wally’s stories are informed by his life experience.”

Mascot War Rekindled: Wally Wolf Hacks Rival’s Twitter Account

It was supposed to be over.  During the 2015 season, the Anchorage Igloos‘ Petey the Polar Bear and the Michigan Gray Wolves‘ Wally Wolf were proxies for the rivalry between the West’s two top teams.  Both mascots feuded throughout the season before finally burying the hatchet during an on-ice sumo wrestling match in the last week of the season.  Since the mascots made nice, members of both teams (including Michigan LW Vladimir Beruschko and Anchorage coach Sam Castor) have insisted that the hostilities were dead and gone, never to resume.

Petey the Polar Bear

Looks like the declaration of peace was a bit premature.  When the Igloos and Wolves clashed on Friday at Arctic Circle Arena, Petey’s official Twitter account was hacked.  Upon investigation, the hack was discovered to be the work of Michigan’s mascot.  Not only is the Petey-Wally rivalry back, it has entered a new frontier.

Wally traveled with the Wolves for Friday’s much-anticipated showdown.  It’s unusual for a mascot to join a team for road games, but the Wolves said that they had brought him as “a good-luck charm” and “to give him a chance to catch up with his friend Petey.”  The two mascots met for tea on Friday afternoon at an Anchorage cafe; video of the rendezvous appeared on both teams’ websites.  All seemed normal.

But during Friday’s game, a series of unusual tweets appeared on the @IgloosPetey account.  Typically, the Anchorage mascot doesn’t tweet much during games, apart from a few pro-Igloos messages and the occasional selfie with fans.  During this game, though, Petey was atypically active.  In addition, the content of his messages was far different than his standard fare.

“My butt itches,” @IgloosPetey tweeted about six minutes into the games.  From there, he issued a series of tweets predicting that the Igloos would lose the game, adding insults directed at several Anchorage players and even the city itself.  After C Jake Frost pushed a slapshot wide late in the first period, a tweet reading “Frost is overrated” appeared on the account.  Later, @IgloosPetey issued the following slam: “Anchorage is a two-bit town that smells like rotten fish… ugh!”

Igloos officials became aware of the situations when fans began tweeting complaints to the account.  At first, they thought the culprit was a disgruntled employee, but they later realized that the account had been hacked.  The team quickly took steps to regain control of the account, and by the end of the game (a 3-2 Igloos win in overtime) the offending tweets had been deleted.

Wally Wolf

When the front office discovered that the account’s password had been changed to “W@llyRuleS!”, they were able to identify the culprit.  Apparently, during the seemingly friendly lunch, Wally got hold of Petey’s phone and was able to change the password to his Twitter account.

Anchorage GM Will Thorndike took umbrage to the hack.  “I am deeply disturbed that Wally Wolf would resort to cyber warfare,” Thorndike told reporters.  “And to take advantage of a friendly get-together to launch his nefarious plan… that’s so low, I have no words.  But if that’s the way he and the Wolves want to play it, we can do that.  The mascot war is back on!”

Replied Michigan GM Tim Carrier, “I am disappointed to hear these accusations against Wally on the basis of very flimsy evidence.  But if the mascot war is back on, so be it.  Oh, and in case the Igloos intend to try something when they come to town: Wally’s Twitter account has two-factor authentication.”

Igloos Clinch West

Anchorage IgloosThe matchup for the Vandenburg Trophy Finals is now set, as the Anchorage Igloos claimed the Western Division and will meet the Washington Galaxy for the championship.  The Igloos came into the last week of the season with the best record in the league, but with only a 6-point edge on the second-place Michigan Gray Wolves.  The two teams have battled it out all season, with Michigan’s heavy physical style pitted against Anchorage’s faster, skill-based play.

At the start of the week, Igloos RW Nicklas Ericsson fired a shot across the bow by saying, “There’s a lot riding on this title.  I know a lot of people are rooting for talent to win out over thuggishness.”  Gray Wolves LW Vladimir Beruschko shot back, “The win will come down to heart, who is the biggest warrior.  We do not mean to make it easy.”

The teams faced off head-to-head on Saturday in Anchorage, with the Igloos winning 3-1 to put the Wolves behind the 8-ball.  “No more room for errors,” said Michigan coach Martin Delorme after the game.  “All there is now is winning.”

The Gray Wolves got a break in their next game; they shut out Dakota 2-0, while Anchorage blew a lead late and suffered a stunning 3-2 loss to Saskatchewan.  “We can’t take our foot off the gas yet,” Igloos coach Sam Castor admonished his team after the game.  “The lack of effort we showed in the third was appalling.  Michigan’s too good for us to take this for granted.”

The Igloos and Gray Wolves then faced off again, this time at Cadillac Place.  Between periods, the team’s mascots, Anchorage’s Petey the Polar Bear and Michigan’s Wally Wolf, engaged in a sumo-style wrestling match at center ice.  The mascots have been feuding all season, and both teams felt it was time to settle things.

Each mascot won one fall; just as they were preparing to line up for the deciding third fall, Wally stuck out his hand to offer peace.  Petey shook, and they left the ice arm-in-arm.  “If Petey and Wally can make peace, there’s hope for the world,” said a visibly moved Igloos C Nile Bernard.  The Gray Wolves won the actual game, 2-1, to remain alive.

The battle lasted until the second-to-last game of the season, when the Igloos routed Saskatchewan 6-2 to clinch both the division and the Congress Trophy for winning the league points title.  The team engaged in a fairly low-key celebration; Castor led a locker-room toast and the players exchanged high-fives and hugs, but there wasn’t any loud music or over-the-top shouting and hollering.

“I think we’re all focused on the [championship trophy],” said C Jake Frost.  “We won’t really feel like the season is complete unless we win the whole thing.”

Castor predicted glory for his team, saying, “We’ve fought long and hard to get to this point.  We’ve been a strong team from the start, and we’re getting stronger.  I think it’s going to be very tough to beat us.”

Mascot Wars Continue

Michigan Grey WolvesAnchorage IgloosThe next salvo in the mascot-based war between the Anchorage Igloos and the Michigan Gray Wolves has been fired.  Two weeks ago, Gray Wolves LW Vladimir Beruschko created an uproar in Anchorage when he attacked Igloos mascot Petey the Polar Bear with his hockey stick.  This week, during a game at Cadillac Place, the Igloos struck back against Michigan mascot Wally Wolf.

During a break in action during the second period, Wally came onto the ice to toss some T-shirts into the crowd.  He unknowingly wandered a little too close to the Igloos bench, and C Jake Frost stuck out his stick and tripped the mascot, sending him down to the ice in a heap.  “With his big giant head, he just sort of toppled over,” said one witness to the incident.  Frost then pointed and said, “That’s for Petey, you bastard!”

Wally Wolf
Wally Wolf

While boos rained down from the crowd and Frost and his teammates whooped it up on the bench, the Gray Wolves fumed.  “Blindsiding a guy like that on the ice isn’t right,” said D Frank Mudrick.  “He could have blown out his ACL and ended his career on a move like that.”

Gray Wolves coach Martin Delorme walked to the end of his bench and began pointing and shouting at the Igloos.  Anchorage coach Sam Castor responded in kind, and the crowd roared as the two coaches waved their arms and argued.  “Honestly, I’m not really sure what [Delorme] was saying,” said Castor.  “He might have been yelling in French.  Don’t know.  I was pointing out that his guy started it, and to give it a rest.”

During the first faceoff after play resumed, Mudrick skated up to Frost and demanded a fight.  Frost skated away, and Igloos D Olaf Martinsson squared off with Mudrick instead.  “I’m a lover, not a fighter,” said Frost.

In the third, Wally re-emerged with a large bandage wrapped around his head, as the fans gave him a standing ovation.  Wally walked behind the Anchorage bench, withdrew a pair of water balloons he’d hidden under his shirt, and dropped them on the Igloos, soaking Frost and RW Remi Montrechere.  The mascot ran off before the stunned Igloos could react.

“Good thing he didn’t hit me with those balloons,” said Castor.  “I’d have chased him down and beat the hell out of him.  This suit cost more than his whole wardrobe.”

The SHL fined Frost $500 and Wally $250, issuing a press release that stated, “Okay, you guys have had your fun.  Now knock it off or we’re going to start handing out suspensions.”  But neither side showed any indication of ceasing hostilities.

“This isn’t over,” said Gray Wolves C Hunter Bailes.  “That polar bear better have a suit of armor ready for the next time we play them.”  Replied Igloos D Moose Baker, “Petey’s going to be ready, and we’re going to be ready.  If any of those guys so much as lays a hand on Petey’s fur, there’s going to be a line brawl on the spot.  Mark my words.”

Frost had another suggestion: “I think the only way this can end is for Petey and Wally to settle this on the field of honor.  [The Gray Wolves] can pick the time and place, and I’ll spring for Petey’s airfare.”